Saturday, May 22, 2010

AWP Love

*The Ladies w/ the RV*

CPT Michael J. Medders

I was so happy. For 3 whole days, I was so happy. I didn't worry about what jewlery I had on, or what I said, or how I said it, or who was comfortable, or who was uncomfortable. I just was, and I laughed a lot, and it was happiness. There were moments when my stomach would drop and I would remember that I couldn't call Mike and tell him about the beautiful people I was meeting and how they were helping me. I couldn't tell him the funny joke the man told on the way up in the airplane (Did you hear the one about the seal? So a seal walked into a bar... haha). I jumped out of an airplane- and I can't tell him, and I can't show him pictures. When we were up in the sky and all I could see were clouds my body was shaky but my heart was not. Push me to the edge- I've been there in every other way. Now I got to jump without any repurcussion. I kissed my hand and put it up to the window. This is the closest I'll be without anything around me- I love you baby.

It was amazing. Jumping 13,500 feet flying at 120mph for 60 seconds before my bud Roy opened the I really really cannot describe the jump in words and I'm not even going to try, but I can describe what I feel. After getting out of all the gear I had to get out of the little building because I was shaking with energy. I walked around outside, called a few friends and left a few messages, called mom, talked to dad, and sat down. No one around while everyone was around. I just sat and wondered if he knew. If he was proud. How many people did I need to tell to equal the feeling that telling him would give me? I don't know, I couldn't find it. It's moments like this that remind me that as much as I can do, I wish I could do it with him. Reguardless, I do feel a little more bad ass. Now I may be suffering from some widdow withdrawl.

The get away was very fullfilling. I had a great time and shared a million laughs, if not more. Made some new friends, celebrated birthdays, upcoming weddings, and the lives of those who are more than heros to us. Many thanks to the women of the AWP and all those who had a part in the golf outing fundraiser and skydive!


ladystout said...

I'm so glad you had a fun few days. The AWP is such a great organization.

MandyMy said...

I'm glad you had such a great time! You deserve all the laughs and fun! I'm sure Mike was there with you the entire time. Dan was in the 82nd Airborne, and spent a lot of time at Fort Bragg. He always wanted me to take the big jump out of a plane with him, but we never found the time. So, last year, to mark year number 2 without him, I jumped out of a plane with his dog tags. It was the craziest thing I've ever done, but I loved every minute of it! I think that first look down to Earth before you jump, is the best!! But, just like you said, when you do all this fun stuff, it sucks to know the one person you want to tell more than anything in the world, isn't just a phone call away anymore. But, we'll make it through all this, just keep truckin'!! Huge HUGS!! :)

jenny said...

"how many people will i have to tell to equal telling him?" that is perhaps the most profound thing i've ever read. i'm not kidding.

i am honored that i can be in the equation (telling random friends and family X infinity = telling mike). so yeah, the equation never works out quite right. but it exists.

i love you. i'm lucky you are my friend. and i'm so happy for your 3 days of happy.

Theresa said...

I can tell you unconditionally, that YES, he did see you, he did hold you hand on the way up and he did kiss your cheek as you came screaming down the sky; then, when the canopy opened and that hush surrounded you, he whispered "I still love you" :)

Stacey said...

thanks everyone :) Jenny- did you like that joke? It reminded me of you... hahaha!

jenny said...

oh don't worry, i've already used the joke at work. i'm so cool :)

Angee said...

Without a doubt, he saw every moment of your jump and is PROUD of you! I am glad you had 3 days where you could laugh and be yourself. After all, you are a beautiful person and your smile should be shared!