Instead of the 4th of July...

I went to upstate NY to visit with Justina. This time last year I was picking Mike up at the airport. We then spent the 2 best weeks of our lives doing whatever we wanted- drinking, laughing, talking, cuddling, swimming, playing with dogs, meeting up with old friends, telling stories, seeing our families, taking pictures, vacation to Niagra Falls, and on and on. All our dicsussions had the undertoans of "just wait until February. you'll be back then and we can do whatever we want all the time." I know it was motivation for him to get back here. So a trip was in order, and Justina and Tony were kind enough to invite me to stay with them at the cabin they rent on the St. Lawrence River in NY.

Justina really took the better pictures so there are more to come, but here are some highlights of the trip.

Friday:

Lily and I left for our 6.5hr drive at around 9am and arrived rather uneventfully in Watertown, NY at Tony and Junstina's place at 4pm. This is the exact time we were trying to avoid since they are selling their house and had a showing at 4. So we piled their animals into our Jeep with Lily and I and went to see the house they are buying. We had a Irish terrier, Rickey, a toy Poodle, Bear, and a Parrot, Rocco in the car with Lily and myself, and of course Justina. We were a zoo on wheels! When we got back to the house we all let the pets meet each other- oh and added their hound dog, Ziggy to the mix.

Saturday:


We packed up the Van, Truck, and my Jeep, hitched the boat to the truck and made our way to the cabin. Once we were there it was established that Lily would have a much better time off her leash/tie out and running aorund with the other dogs. I was SO NERVOUS because Lily is known to follow her beagle instincts and not come back but Justina helped me let go and not be such and overbearing puppy parent, and it went better than I could have imagined! She ran around with the pack, rolled in the sandy dirt, dug holes, crawled through the brush- had, in general, the time of her life.

Sunday & Monday




We grilled out and ate fabulous food- and wayyyyy too much of it! Enjoyed beer, and some wine late into the evenings. The dogs played and Lily was exhausted. We went on their motorboat and let Lily come along. She sat up in the front, nose to the wind, big ears flapping loving every minute of it. I just laughed at how well she was doing with everything. Justina and I toured a castle they have on a nearby island and it was a pretty neat thing to see.

Tuesday

It was time to pack up and leave. I got everything into the Jeep and said goodbye to my favorite friend. Lily said by to everyone, even Bear, who didn't say goodbye to her! Thank goodness for good friends who know you need some time away. I loved my little cabin vacation!

Fun with Friends

A couple weekends ago (now) we went to the lake to spend the day and evening. Lily and Reggie came and had a weekend that can only be described as a dog's dream! We took pictures, ate great food, talked and had an all-around good time. Thank goodness I have my wonderful friends.







Last Saturday we finally celebrated my friend Sharon's birthday and I was able to catch up with some people I hadn't seen in a long, long time. I was also able to see Sharon and Rick's current/future house, which I loved!

So what are you doing this weekend?

Since we all know the wedding is upon us I thought I would share what I know we are doing. I have 2 friends, Amanda and Jenny, who will be traveling from pittsburgh and state college reseptively. Then I have 4 other friends who will for sure be there including roomate Sharon, Jessica, Tanya and Sammy.

A couple of Mikes-turned-my friends may also stop by during the day. We plan to go to a cabin in the Medina area and lay out, drink, take pictures, and drink while eatting a spectacular hot dog and hamburger lunch. Theres even dinner planned- spaghetti and such. And my date Jack (Daniels) can make it too. I am so lucky to have friends who can coordinate the trip without me haivng to do anything. Lily gets to come as well- making it complete!!

Feeling Like I'm Just Waiting.

Im waiting for Saturday June 20, 2009. We wrote 6.20.09 in the sand in Charleston when we were last there. I can remember counting down from over 365 days. I got so excited when I could tell people we were getting married in June rather thank having to say next June. Then it was a couple months away. Then it was June and I think "we would have been getting married this month" THIS MONTH! Less than 30 days! This week I keep thinking "what would I be doing if I really was planning the wedding of my dreams with 1 week left?" I don't know, we didn't get that far. What am I supposed to do now, without my best friend to stand beside me and do all the typical things that the next steps in life would take. I don't know. I just don't know.

I love you so much baby- you're still everything to me! You be good :)

"The Problem with Death is

that I am left looking at myself, naked, under florescent lights, mirrors over and around me." I stole this because I can completely identify with it. I see all of the things about me I hate. My confidence is shattered. I lose the cheerleader for that part of me who knew my positive attributes from top to bottom and could repeat them on the days I needed to hear it.
My view now is just loneliness, and ugliness. You may disagree, but you're not the one who I believe
I feel disgusting. Disgusted that I couldn't do my job to the fullest because I had such a lack of caring. Disgusted that I got laid off. Discussed that I have to find a job when I don't care.

Apathy is my new strongest feeling. Apathy and Anger.

The little girl in me is in full temper tantrum. And even if she was, it wouldn't matter. Nothing brings him back. All I want is him to be back. I have not yet let go.

Our wedding would have been beautiful thanks to his help. It's confusing to me becasue I picture it. I can see it in my head. I can see him in the front of the church with all his guys. He has a huge smile on his face and he's holding himself back from trying to run to me. I see my girls on the other side looking georgous. I see his paretns blooming with smiles and I see all the eyes on me as my father and I walk down that isle toward my new life. Toward the life I really have always wanted. I see it. I see it all - I picked the music...and its just not going to happen. How can I see it so clearly without it happeneing. How didn't we see this coming. I want to talk to you so very badly. Just talk. I miss you. I miss my best friend.

Finally put pictures on my computer...

I just love this picture from another little "photo shoot" with Lily. I also found one on there from the bachelorette party- Mand and me.

1st Annual MJM Memorial Scholarship Golf Outing- A SUCCESS!

The 1st Annual Michael J. Medders Memorial Scholarship Golf Outing was this Saturday and it was wonderful!! We had over 165 people golf and more than 250 for the steak fry after. It was an amazing time filled with fund-raising, socializing, memories and a little bit of golf :-) Thank you to everyone who had any part in making this such a great day and for helping to continue Michael's legacy! Unfortunately my camera decided it was time to stop working, but here are a few pics I stole from others!

Shots on the golf course with the army guys! We were all so happy they could make it back!





Love you all!


It was a big weekend. Amanda also had her bachelorette party on Friday night. We started with dinner at the Wine Bar and had a great time.


Great weekend- the best in a while. As I wind down today it hits me that I miss Mike as much as ever. I'm completely confident that he is happy with the day and golf tournament that now bear his name. See you next year!