It's about that time

to take the blog private.

Shoot me an email and I will make sure to send you an invite. (I think that's how I do this.)

Thanks friends.

Breakin it down

"Love knows no limit to it's endurance, no end to it's trust, no fading of it's hope, it can outlast anything. Love still stands when everything else has fallen."

{stolen from Kimdud}

Greenday sometimes writes songs just for me...

Wake Me up When September Ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends
like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends
ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when September ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are
as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when September ends



21 Guns
Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I
When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins
One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I
Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?
When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

Back to You

I have this lyric playing on repeat in my head.

"Back to you. It always comes around back to you."

It's a simple lyric but with everything I see and everything I do, I see the version where Mike is here. I see the version where Mike was here. I think of what he would say if he were watching. I talk to him in my head about it as if he is watching. I hope he is watching.

I try to find my motivation and it's completely gone. Yes, still. Maybe even more in this God forsaken month. Why should I be using so much of this energy that I don't have doing things I don't want to do? I'm so tired and I keep pushing. I put on my "I'm ok" face and struggle through work. I try not to let myself sit down as I run errands, walk the dog, clean the house, make some dinner, wash the dishes, and whatever else I can do before I head upstairs and shut the door to our room. I feel trapped and at home in the same place. When I finally lay down I try to decide if I should let myself go or read until I'm so tired I can't think. Then I wake up and realize we're still running this marathon.

I miss you baby.

My Yellow Ribbon

If you've seen me in person since Mike passed(or you're incredibly observant of my pictures) you know I have a 3rd ACR charm tied with a yellow ribbon around my wrist, not with the intention of supporting the cause but becasue for a while I put everything I could on me to scream "he was my fiance!" Katie brought it to me the day she arrived from Texas but it wouldn't fit on my necklace, it needed a latch. She had it on a ribbon just so she wouldn't lose it (I think.) In a panic I was walking around our house with no idea what to do with it, like having it physically on me was THE most important thing. Justina very calmly suggested I tie it on my wrist until I figure out anything further. Great idea! She double knotted it for me, and it's been there ever since... until yesterday. It's made it through countless showers, swimming, a golf outting, a job interview, a wedding and almost the whole summer. I literally have not taken it off since that day. People ask what it is, friends and family keep saying, "I'll have to get you a bracelet to put that on." I kept thinking the same thing but at some point I came to like the yellow ribbon. I was tempted find out the exact number of days it made it, but I don't want to know how long it's been. Surprisingly the tattered yellow ribbon did not break like I had expected it would. The actual charm broke free of the loop that held it on. I must have hit it just the right way. So now it's been 1 day with a plain yellow fraying ribbon tied to my wrist and a gold loop just hanging there. I should cut it off, but I haven't yet. I'm not sure what to do- but that's what I liked about it. It wasn't a decision I had to make. It came off in it's own time. I don't think that this means anything crazy, except that I have to make a decision about this ribbon.

It's my birthday, soon.

Yes, I'm blogging about it being my birthday. Tomorrow (10:17pm- so a good 24 hrs from now). Last year I was in such a bad mood on my birthday. It was a Monday, and I was so tired of Mike being away. I acted like a brat the whole day. And I had no idea that this year was coming. But my friends are going to be with me this year so I'll be on my best behavior. We will do dinner and drinks and cake (my favorite part!)

Ok- truth be told I didn't have much to say. I miss him. I thought maybe once I started typing I'd have a little more come out, but not tonight. See you soon.

Mr. and Mrs. Dominick and Amanda Kaple!!!

There are a few things I have not caught up on and I would like to share the "fun stuff" as well :)

Amanda and Dominick got married on July 18th. The whole weekend was fabulous but unfortunately my camera decided to have a temper-tantrum at about 10am. I have some pictures from friends, thank goodness!















I don't know if all the pictures do her justice, but Amanda was the most beautiful bride. They both had such a glow the whole day you couldn't help but feel their happiness! Everyone there had an amazing time and I am more than honored to have been a part of their day!