My Yellow Ribbon

If you've seen me in person since Mike passed(or you're incredibly observant of my pictures) you know I have a 3rd ACR charm tied with a yellow ribbon around my wrist, not with the intention of supporting the cause but becasue for a while I put everything I could on me to scream "he was my fiance!" Katie brought it to me the day she arrived from Texas but it wouldn't fit on my necklace, it needed a latch. She had it on a ribbon just so she wouldn't lose it (I think.) In a panic I was walking around our house with no idea what to do with it, like having it physically on me was THE most important thing. Justina very calmly suggested I tie it on my wrist until I figure out anything further. Great idea! She double knotted it for me, and it's been there ever since... until yesterday. It's made it through countless showers, swimming, a golf outting, a job interview, a wedding and almost the whole summer. I literally have not taken it off since that day. People ask what it is, friends and family keep saying, "I'll have to get you a bracelet to put that on." I kept thinking the same thing but at some point I came to like the yellow ribbon. I was tempted find out the exact number of days it made it, but I don't want to know how long it's been. Surprisingly the tattered yellow ribbon did not break like I had expected it would. The actual charm broke free of the loop that held it on. I must have hit it just the right way. So now it's been 1 day with a plain yellow fraying ribbon tied to my wrist and a gold loop just hanging there. I should cut it off, but I haven't yet. I'm not sure what to do- but that's what I liked about it. It wasn't a decision I had to make. It came off in it's own time. I don't think that this means anything crazy, except that I have to make a decision about this ribbon.

It's my birthday, soon.

Yes, I'm blogging about it being my birthday. Tomorrow (10:17pm- so a good 24 hrs from now). Last year I was in such a bad mood on my birthday. It was a Monday, and I was so tired of Mike being away. I acted like a brat the whole day. And I had no idea that this year was coming. But my friends are going to be with me this year so I'll be on my best behavior. We will do dinner and drinks and cake (my favorite part!)

Ok- truth be told I didn't have much to say. I miss him. I thought maybe once I started typing I'd have a little more come out, but not tonight. See you soon.

Mr. and Mrs. Dominick and Amanda Kaple!!!

There are a few things I have not caught up on and I would like to share the "fun stuff" as well :)

Amanda and Dominick got married on July 18th. The whole weekend was fabulous but unfortunately my camera decided to have a temper-tantrum at about 10am. I have some pictures from friends, thank goodness!















I don't know if all the pictures do her justice, but Amanda was the most beautiful bride. They both had such a glow the whole day you couldn't help but feel their happiness! Everyone there had an amazing time and I am more than honored to have been a part of their day!

Starting the "year ago's"

One year ago today we took Michael back to the airport after R&R and he was on his way back. I held it together back to the gate. I lost it when I had to say goodbye. He wasn't looking forward to his trip back, to say the least. We wouldn't have imagined in a million years it would be the last time. The last time I saw his smile and his big blue eyes in person. The last hug. The last kiss. The last extra-long hand-hold. The last face-to-face "I love you, baby." I wouldn't have let go. He wouldn't have either. Now I hold him in my heart and think of the day I get to see him again.

Miss you, baby.

I just realized I have 21 followers- neat!

How can I do thank all the followers? Well any questions or concerns- let me know with the comments! I would assume you all come from a couple groups. The military wives/girlfriends/fiance's or just significant others who I knew before I lost Michael. To that group I say thank you every single day for what you do. I know that it is not an easy thing at all! To be without the person you need, your best friend, for 4-6-12 months or longer is the most challenging thing. Add in any children, which many of you have, and you are all angels to me. Weather your husband is around right now, soon to be deployed, deployed, soon to come back, gone for training, on duty this weekend, recently arrived back from deployment- it's all so much more difficult that you can imagine and with you I know I can be real- you understand on a different level. Thank you for that!

Another group- my girlfriends. Hopefully this helps you to understand where I'm at and how I'm feeling when sometimes its difficult to talk about. You have all been great. You are amazing people who deserve the lives of your dreams.

So thanks, followers, for following what I have to say. I know it can be off the wall. It can be sad and lethargic. And it can be downright depressing. But thats how i feel and I feel a lone a lot of the time. Its nice to have someone to write it down. Thank you!!

Want to see more?

More from the cottage in NY :)

small side note:

We bought the Jeep 1 year ago today. Isn't life strange. A year ago we were the giddy couple in the Jeep dealership you could talk into buying the most tricked-out version of a Jeep Wrangler because we were so excited to have a car together. One year later I'm trying to figure out how to get it all in my name, and then continue to be able to pay for it. But I do love the darn thing.