Monday, February 16, 2009


I have a hard time figuring out the "hardest part." If people asked, "What's the hardest part of this whole thing?" I don't have the slightest clue where I would begin. It depends on the day. Sometimes it's thinking about where we would be if today he were here, if the deployment just continued as planned and Mike came home and our life was finally closer to what we considered "normal." Sometimes it's thinking about him on that day. Or the uncertainty I have over what he is experiencing now, what he sees, what he feels, whatever. Sometimes it's missing more than anything the moments and things that were just between us. Today it's everyone else moving on. Not that anyone is supposed to not move on. It is weird to me how much I feel everyone else moving on, continuing what started, while I'm holding on so tightly. It really doesn't matter, at the end of the day, how hard I try to grip the past, because time just keeps going. Today that's the cruel part. Today that is what I feel.

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