Wednesday, September 30, 2009

He is my person.

We were such a team. That may sound lame. Even as I write it, it sounds a little lame but it's so true. There is no one I would rather share everything with. We were just each other's person. When Mike first passed I remember saying, "but he's my person." I still hear this in my head, over and over. Some people don't understand. Some people won't understand. As jealous as I am that I am not one of those people, my life went the opposite of what I expected. And now it's been more than a year. I hate that. I hate so much that it's all fading. He's been gone so much longer now. All we had to tackle was a 15-month time frame. I can't belive how long it has been since I've heard his voice or seen him smile. I have been running from these thoughts this week. I can't stand it and I can't stand the feeling it gives me. It tightens my chest and makes me more aware of my heart beating. It makes me dizzy and completely overwhelmed. I am so tired of feeling this way and not having him here to discuss it. So ironic. He was my person and he could calm me down, cheer me up, listen to my crazy rants, deal with my attitude and love me despite all of it. He was my person and he made everything worthwhile.


dess said...

It doesn't sound lame at all, it sounds beautiful and pure. He will always be your person. What you shared was everything. I wish he was there in front of you to comfort you and listen to you. I know he was your strength and even though he isn't physically there I think now he is drawing out the strength in you. You are keeping his memory alive, along with all the other people who love him. I think about him all the time. He is a wonderful person. Your person, always. Love you.

Justina said...

Not to try and be a DR here, but those are symptoms of a panic attack. Probably just a mild one, but you should be aware none the less.

I think of you all the time. Wishing we talked everyday like we did in the past. Hoping that some day we still will.