Disengaged.

Lately I've been feeling very heavy.  I think that's the right word for how I'm feeling.  Overwhelmed by bad instead of good, by conflict instead of resolution, but anger instead of kindness, by loud instead of quiet.

Do you ever feel like this?

I acknowledge that events in the last few months have been very depressing, filled with hurt, anger confusion and devastation.  I wonder if it's better or worse that we are more accessible to the horrible things.  I mean accessible in a 24-hours a day, constant news cycle, alerts on our phone, articles posted on social media way.  Reading and hearing other people's comments on horrible things, or opinions that attack and degrade others is only one smart phone tap away.  For me, sometimes it is too much.

I have had to consciously start taking myself away from the negatives to try to refocus on the positives. (read: I have a tendency to be a glass-half-empty kind of girl, making this difficult). Turn off the show (or leave the room) that is spewing negative jargon.  Change the discussion when it concerns only disaster, anger, hatred, and ugliness.  Chose to listen to nothing in the car, instead of another view on exactly how to fix our crazy world.

I don't think I'm doing it very well yet.  I work to focus on the positive, to stay calm and relaxed, to honor my feelings, and to treat others with kindness.  But when I'm working on that, and you want to discuss which people are idiots for their beliefs, I have to disengage.  I do not have all the answers, and I no longer know who I agree or disagree with, but right now my heart is too heavy.  I choose not to discuss these upsetting issues because I know I will dwell for hours after the conversation.

But most of the time, my exit is less than graceful.

I hope to be able to find my way, choosing positive over negative, so that I may feel more true happiness, however there is quite a learning curve.

(find it here)

The Start of New Year

Happy 2013 everyone!  This year with Christmas and all the travel that entailed, and school work through the holiday season, and our 1 year anniversary (WOW!) I didn't have much time to think about resolutions or changes I wanted to make for the new year until January.  I think I'm ok with taking a little time in January to decide what I'd like to work on this year, rather than hastily picking too many things, or something that I loose sight of a couple months in.

I have been thinking about what I'd like 2013 to look like, and what I'd like to bring to this year, and how I want to see myself on the other side. There are several thing that are surfacing.

Financial Unity. (I'm sure my husband will enjoy that phrase I just made up!) We desperately need to work on saving as a team- getting on the same page.  It's not just saving but feeling like we are managing money as a team.  We have work a lot on this in 2012 and have worked out a lot of kinks.  Still, we are both great at living individually, and coming together has been somewhat of a tug of war on how we should manage our money.  I am insecure because I don't bring in much money while I'm also in school.  I don't want to be those people who can't enjoy life because they are saving, but I also cannot worry daily that we are depleting our savings should an emergency happen. This is definitely a "Team Blunt" Resolution for 2013 because I can't do this one alone.

Letting Go, and Showing Kindness.  I hope I can explain this in the way that I have internalized it.  I have been taking a yoga class lately, and something the instructor discussed a few weeks back really stuck with me.  She read us some philosopher's words about enlightenment and transcendence.  I listened and took it in.  I began to understand her words as facing disagreement with understudying, facing anger with love.  Surpassing the energy it takes to get upset, have an argument, rehash it over and over in your head, hate, judge, and be angry, and then deciding to move forward.  Instead, what an idea to see what is coming, and decide to let all of that go before it happens.  Deciding to choose instead to let it go, and remain happy, peaceful, and content.  Does that even make sense?  I know it would be better if I could post the reading she used, but I really have no idea what it was.  It just caught me and I took it in in this way.  So if you followed that, you may empathize with me in that this is exactly the opposite of what I do! I have been trying to keep this idea in the forefront of my thoughts and recognize instances where I waste my energy and time in negativity, and instead let it go.  Not easy.  I fail frequently.  But I think something as revolutionary as this, completely changing my thought process at times, takes practice.  This is what I hope to focus on in 2013.

Along with those smaller goals that pop up from time to time- exercise, health and nutrition, living in the moment, loving my husband in the best way I can, consciously being a better friend.  We are always working on things. Our nature as humans is imperfection, so changes occur as we search to be better people.  And what better time than the start of a new year?!

What are you doing for 2013?

Making a Difference for 2013

During the holiday season many people decide to graciously donate money, time or resources to a charity of their choice.  To help make a difference in 2013, I want to make sure you all know about the non profit that supported me through the last 4 years.  I'm sure you already know which group I'm going to ask you to consider for your donations this year- The American Widow Project!

Let me share a letter from the AWP ladies about holiday donations:

Over the past 5 years, the AWP has been able to reach out to more than 1,200 military widows across the United States. This year alone, because of your support, we have served more than 500 military widows and held 10 National AWP events. Your generosity has given us the ability to continue growing strong and guiding our nations military widows through a healing journey. Please accept our sincere thanks for all that you have done to support the families of our nations heroes. 

Our wish for the New Year is that we are able to reach out to the widows who have yet to find the support they so desperately need and deserve. With over 6,300 casualties in Iraq and Afghanistan, and over half of those being married, there are still thousands of widows who long to know they are not forgotten or alone in this journey. 

To continue our service of providing support to the widows of our fallen, we need your help. This holiday season please consider making a tax deductible donation to the American Widow Project. Or, view our suggestions below for others ways to give back. Your support is greatly appreciated and enables us to reach so many who long to see that there is hope for them even after tragedy.
In the months ahead we look forward to sharing with you, how through your gifts, we are truly touching hearts, saving lives and remembering our heroes. 

Happy Holidays!
Warmest wishes,
The American Widow Project

Here are some ways, beside donating money, to help the organization continue to do what they do best- build friendship and support to help those who have lost their Loves while serving in the military.

• In lieu of gifts: Instead of your company giving gifts to staff members and clients, consider donating money to help sponsor a widows attendance to one of our upcoming 2013 events. It's the gift that will keep on giving into the new year! 
• Host a Holiday Party: We all have them, right? Why not use your office or home holiday party to spread awareness about the AWP! We'll even provide you will all the tools you need to get started. 
• Post a Facebook status or tweet about all the ways to donate and give back to the widows of our nations heroes. Simply copy and paste our sample tweets and statuses below or use your own.
• Facebook: I am helping military widows and so can you! You can organize or attend an event, become an AWP Ambassador, or just spread the word! It’s easy to make an impact and every little bit helps fund their programs. Get involved today at www.americanwidowproject.org.
• Twitter: I'm helping @americanwp and so can you! Host an event, become an Ambassador or just spread the word! www.americanwidowproject.org/volunteer
• Shop our store: Model some of our AWP Apparel! From zip up hoodies to our signature AWP pin. Plus, they make great stocking stuffers! 
• Create your own Crowdrise fundraising page: From now until the first of the year you can create your own campaign to raise funds for our programs through the holiday season. 
• Gift Cards: While you're out picking up those gift cards for those hard to please family members, pick up a grocery store gift card to be used for an upcoming event! The AWP covers all costs for 10-12 widows at each event. Providing grocery cards allows us to put more funding into our programs that directly benefit the lives of military widows. 

Thanks for checking out the AWP, the things you can do to help, and considering showing some support this holiday season! 

It's been a little while...

We've been very busy lately and it has been quite a while since I've blogged.  I miss it! So I'm back and ready to share whatever comes up.  No promises it will be interesting, because sometimes life just isn't that exciting.  But I've been fortunate to visit with and do some fun things lately and thought it was time to jump back on here and share away! 

Playlist for a Good Run

I just read a few articles about great cardio workout songs. As I was reading I was thinking about some of my favorite songs to run to and started to get so excited! The right songs just pump you up, keep your mis occupied and help you run faster, longer, and even happier! What songs made your workout playlist? Here are my top 10- I don't usually make it through them all though.

E.T. by Katie Perry (this one makes me feel like a boxer, I think it's the beat)
Sing With Us by Eminem
I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness (I sing along to this one real high-pitched)
Marchin On by OneRepublic
99 Problems by Jay-Z ('cause I'm gangsta)
Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm
Run by Matt Nathanson featuring Jennifer Nettles
03 Bonnie and Clyde by Jay-Z
Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit (a great song to finish up!)

...and special bonus #11 Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood.

I definitely find that ruining to the right music can make all the difference!

Purpose

Have I told you about my job? Do you guys know that I don’t really love it? If you do, you may be aware that I am working on my masters in a field completely different and much more necessary for me but at the moment I’m qualified to do what I’m doing; sell stuff. So that’s what I do everyday- and it’s good stuff that I sell. There are some serious negative moments, but I know those exist everywhere in every job. Sometimes it's harder to plow through with the right perspective when it’s a job you know isn’t going to be your forever. 

Anyway, I have grown into the belief that all of us are doing certain things, in specific places, encountering people at the times precipitated by a bigger plan. Essentially there is a purpose, beyond me earning money to help provide for us, to me working here. Trying to remember that can be difficult. As the days get long and start to feel boring I know that the people  that I work with are what make my days fun. By each of them being different from each other and different form me, learning from them, and how they have provided me with friendship via circumstance in a place where I had about 2 friends when we showed up. I saw that light again today when I realized a morning conversation with my manager started with work and moved to pretty much everything else. I came back to my desk feeling happy- thank goodness for people who connect with you and bring you back to a place of optimism, even if that isn't their intention. Random conversations with someone I like and truly respect make these long days worth it. I am so glad I was able to recognize that this morning!

The Last Few Weeks- in Pictures

Spent a few days at the beach in Connecticut, checking another state of my list.

And seeing purple sand and a very important spot.

Beach time with some beautiful people

While my family takes a little South Carolina vacation-- Miss you guys! You can't tell my brother and father are related at all, right?!

Love to see what new positions Lily comes up with!

Lastly, spent the 4th of July with some American Soldiers ;)