Friday, January 16, 2009

An UnOriginal Update

It's been quite a while. I have to admit I've been sort of ignoring the internet. I go through those phases. I also went back to work. It was time to make money again, so I started the beginning of January (yes, I guess it's only been 2 weeks). I was in Chicago for a 3-day meeting this week and although it was a long few days, it was good to have something with more accountability. It was a lot less independent than my job normally is but it's what I needed. Back to normal.

Lily is doing well. She is house trained (don't jinx it!). She is absolutely hilarious. One of the funny things she does is hides her treats. She can't find enough places to hide these milkbones! I find them in the couch cushions, under pillows, under blankets, in our bed... and she wines when she can't find a good enough place. While I was in Chicago she stayed with some friends and they said they found treats all over too. Thank goodness they dog-sat her, I didn't have to worry at all. Although she wanted to sleep in bed because she's used to it with me, she didn't seem to cause too much destruction at their house!

Mike's mom and I went through his clothes. I wasn't real excited to do it, but she was right, there wouldn't really be a great time, ever. I hated every single second. But we are going to donate them so I kept telling myself that someone needed them. There are several things I kept. Each shirt or pair of shorts I pulled out had some sort of story. Some of it I just need to have. Having his clothes didn't bother me, but seeing an empty half of our closet does. Seeing the place where his shoes used to be does. Knowing a whole dresser is empty but I can't put anything in there, that bothers me. I know he's not coming back but it doesn't mean I can't wish that he was. Sometimes I get caught up in thinking about how easy it would be if none of this happened. If we just made it through every single deployment day, had an amazing homecoming, he finished up in Texas and just came back. He'd be back now. He'd be job hunting and nervous. I know he'd find something immediately, even in a crappy job market like this. It's hard to not do that. It's hard to not get swept away thinking about how it would have been, how close we'd be to the wedding now. It seems like we talked about it forever. I remember when it was 300-some days away. It's half that now. I still don't know how to do this every single day. I have some really great people around me, so I just talk to them. I just talk about almost all of it to several people that are family, or friends, or both. It's nice to have those people around.

I miss you and I love you so much, baby. You be good!


Brooke said...


You are doing an amazing job Stacey! My thoughts and prayers are with you and Mike always!

The Dunlap Family said...

Stacey, you're doing a great job! I'm glad to hear you're back at work, and that Lily is housebroken!There's nothing wrong thinking about the what if's with Mike. I think everything you do and how strong you are makes him so incredibly proud of you. We're thinking and praying for you.

Christina said...

Stacey - You are doing a wonderful job. You never leave my thoughts and prayers. I truly believe that you are one of the strongest women I've ever had the pleasure of "knowing." I think of you often, and pray for you daily.

Meg said...

Congrats on Lily being house trained! And what a cute story about hiding the treats. Animals are the most comforting, humorous companions sometimes. Like Christina said, I know some of us knotties don't "know" you, but you amaze and inspire us everyday. I think about you and pray for you and Mike often, and I know we are all sending you our wishes for strength and comfort. You are a beautiful person!

Amy said...

I'm glad Lily is bringing a few smiles into your life. Animals have a special way of making us feel better when we are at our lowest. I hope that you continue to find strength every day, Stacey. There's not a day that goes by that you're not on my mind.