3rd One Tonight

I probably don't need to separate all these, but organizationally it makes me feel better. I also made a quick trip down to TX for the 3rd ACR re-dedication memorial for soldiers lost in OIF 07-09. It was good to go because we were able to see Mike's roommates and friends, people I hadn't seen in a while. Strange, of course, that he wasn't there, but we made it.

I'm having issues, but here is the link.
http://www.kdhnews.com/news/story.aspx?s=32183

My Beautiful Pup

Lily! She is America's Next Top Model, for sure. Here are some pictures.

Adventures in Georgia

I went to Helen, Georgia last weekend to visit a friend. "Friend" doesn't seem like the right word really. Celeste lost her husband a little over a year ago; he was in GRIM troop with Mike. She called me offer help and an ear several months ago and since we both need little vacations to get out of town for a little bit, we decided to meet up. It was a great 3-day weekend including sleeping in, feeding bears, my first horseback ride, hiking to a waterfall, meeting great people and a little bit of talk-therapy.









I was more than scared with the horseback ride, but these are the horses at the ranch.

Play-Date for Lily

I should have posted a few days ago. Life got in the way. Lily and I had some friends/family over last week for dinner. She and Reggie had met before, the night of the super bowl. That night Lily wanted to play and Reggie was tired so they were a bit of a mis-match. On this play date they were both on the same page, running up and down and up and down. Reg was exploring our house and Lily was followed him around, one sniff behind. After a few hours of checking out the bedroom, running down the stairs, into the kitchen, around the dining room table and back up the stairs it was time to take a nap.

Then Reggie found a good spot on top of our couch. You can't really blame the guy, it's literally the best couch in the whole world. Lily was too big to get up there with him and she became a little jealous!


Once Reggie, Sammy and Tanya left Lily whined at the door for a while. She obviously missed her new boyfriend! After a little angst over the separation, she passed out on her love seat. It was time to call it a night.

Ah, yes. Niagara Falls

I've been getting emails from the Niagra Falls Hilton. Mike and I stayed there in July when he was home. It was so freaking fun, ha. They were doing construction so the first night they had to put us in a "construction view" room and since I was a diamond member from all my travels they assured me they would upgrade us to a "fall sview" room the next night if we didn't mind moving. We didn't. And our fall sview was awesome. We viewed both falls and the room was HUGE. It was one of those fabulous moments that is just between us. When we walked into the room, we put our stuff down by the door and just stood there looking around like, "seriously!?" We could have just stayed in that room and had the best vacation ever. We just always had fun. He was my happy. Thank God I took so many pictures those 2 days. At one point it was so humid I had to sit down and collect myself and he just sat right along with me, taking my camera and helping to chronicle our trip, took pictures of me really really warm. Not really the best moment.




I got him back on the phone. I tried anyway.

I miss him.

Night is the worst time

I remember once while Mike was deployed him saying to me, "Night is the worst time, babe?" and I agreed completely. We both said that even though the night sucked we would just go to sleep because it made time go faster. I think about him saying that all the time now. I lay in bed and think, "You're so right, it is the worst." Except now it really doesn't matter if time goes by quickly, or not. I wonder why the night seemed worse to us. Is it the absence of light, or the 23 hours of the day adding up and pulling you down, or laying in bed looking at where he should be, would be. Who knows. It is what is on my mind tonight.

Music

Today is the first day I've listen to music instead of AM radio in the car without crying. That sentence sounds really sad. I have a pretty hard time with music, for some reason. I swear I can make every single song somehow relate to what's happened or how I'm feeling. Today on the way back from my parent's I remembered I had my Ipod in the car. I started thinking that since Mike bought me the Ipod for my birthday in August it was a good idea to listen to the music. Maybe not all of it, but use it for some songs, and maybe get some new ones I can handle. I just listened to my Dave Matthews Band playlist and I made it the whole ride home. It was good to listen to and it reminded me how much I love DMB. Some of the songs were a little sensitive but I guess I was in an ok place, because I kept going. So I guess that is a step in the right direction. It wasn't all music but it was some so... baby steps, right?

I'm going to post some lyrics from one of the songs I have always loved, and continue to be great right now.

I remember thinking
I'll go on forever only knowing
I'll see you again
but I know
the touch of you is so hard to remember
but like that touch I know no other
and for sure we have danced
in the risk of each other
would like to dance
around the world with me
I'll be falling all about my own thing
and I know your the heaviest weight
when your not here that's hung
around my head
and your lips burn wild
thrown from the face of a child
and in your eyes
the seeing of the greatest few
do what you will, always
walk where you like, your steps
do as you please, I'll back you up
I remember thinking
sometimes we walk
sometimes we run away
no matter how fast we are running
somehow we keep
somehow we keep up with each other
I'll be falling all about my own thing
and I know your the heaviest weight
when your not here that's hung
around my head
and your lips burn wild
thrown from the face of a child
and in your eyes
the seeing of the greatest few
do what you will, always
walk where you like, your steps
do as you please, I'll back you up.
~DMB

Follow-up on last weekend

I posted about Matt and Amy coming to visit and I was very nervous/excited to see them. Matt was Mike's roommate in Texas and we all hung out together so much. It was really great to spend time with them. They got here around 2 and we just hung out and talked for a bit. I got my crying out then. Matt was in Iraq with Mike but I have no idea when the last time they talked. They were in completely different locations. We went to the cemetery for a little bit, it was muddy. Then we went to the Medder's and hung out there the rest of the night. I was nice to have them to talk to. I really felt happy to see them.


That same Friday I went to lunch with Adam and Katie. They went to the cemetery without me. I think Adam didn't want to make me do anything I didn't want to. I wouldn't have minded. It was really nice to see them. I started crying when I saw Adam- it's so emotional to me because he introduced us. I'm so glad they are all back. When I start thinking about how that would have been what we were doing- traveling a little, catching up with family, it hits home again. It's just me, me and the Lily Dog. That is really the bittersweet part of their visits.