Wednesday, December 9, 2009

New Beginnings

First, I haven't posted in a while because every time I log in to see my dashboard I have 66 posts already. I didn't want that number to change.

Today I tried a "group counseling" session. I'm willing to try (almost) anything once. A friend who know the leader of the discussion suggested it for me. "Maybe you're ready to talk about it with people and see what it's like to be more than a year away." Maybe. It's called "New Beginnings" with the subtext that it was for young widows and widowers (55 and under). Yes that's literally what it said. Hmm I'm a tad younger but let's just see. When I walked in, I introduced myself to the person by the door, the leader, and she said quizzically "are you here for the widow group??" Yes. Yes I am. And the people I met were nice, and able to identify with how I'm dealing with the loss of my soul mate. In between the discussions about heart attacks, and cancer, and lung transplants I added our slightly different story. After the discussion, one generous widow gave me her card and email and said whenever I wanted to talk I could always contact her. She also mentioned that she and some of the other ladies have dinner once a month and I should come. And sometimes they even invite their daughters- so there would be a couple other girls my age...

I flip through the pamphlets I received as a first time group member and I read an article about dealing with grief. I've read my fair share of those. The second paragraph begins, "Every experience teaches us something new and as difficult as it is, death can bring about positive change in your life." Then I threw it. Next page- a list of websites to use as Grief Resources. Ok cool, maybe I'll check them out. The first one is Seriously? AARP?!? Awesome. To be fair it was at the top of the list because it started with an A, but still. It joined it's friend on the floor. Maybe I'm just not ready.

But I'm proud of myself for going and trying something new. And I'm proud to represent Mike and me, our relationship, us. I'll be the one that reminds people that we have men and women paying the ultimate sacrifice so we can have all the privileges we have, and so that other deserving people can have them too. I'll reach out to my own little bubble of people and try to help them remember their blessings. I'll thank God for every moment Mike and I had here together. I'll do it for now.

And I'll probably go back next month because I like to talk about Mike, and it does bring me small glimpses of peace, and really what else am I doing? ;)

Also, I did get a hug, which I welcome. :)


Justina said...

I think that sounds like a wonderful idea...

No matter if your young or old when you lose the one you love, the scar still remains the same.

Perhaps you should try the dinner too, what could the harm be? If nothing else, you can get some tasty french onion soup!

Love you my dear...

TheMunchkinMom said...

I love what you said, Stacey. "I'm proud to represent Mike and I..." that is such a strong statement and a great positive motivation to move forward in whatever direction feels right to you.

dess said...

i like this post.

Even if you aren't ready for their concept of a "new beginning", I think this is a good place for you when you feel like reaching out. Its nice to have exchanges with people who are dealing with similar emotions. I love that you tossed the pamphlet on the floor!That made me chuckle. You do what feels right for you. And who knows maybe having gtgs with some of those mature ladies will be fun! hee hee
Mike is so proud of you. I am too. Love you honey!

jenny said...

i love how honest you are. i think that everyone in that group can appreciate that as well.

and i think you should one day write a pamphlet that you wouldn't have thrown on the floor. because you are doing a pretty terrific job.

and who doesn't love a homecooked meal and a hug?

(just think of this post as 66 + 1 instead of 67)

~Rachael said...

um, you get major kudos...I saw signs for groups like that...but then, could never do it...cuz well, the whole "not technically" and then add in, well, combat is get major points.... and yep, hugs are always good!