5 days from what would be our one year wedding anniversary and I'm consumed with weddings and showers and gifts for weddings and travel plans for weddings and rsvps for weddings and invitations for weddings and bachelorette parties and honeymoons...
And I just hear this part of a Joshua Radin song repeating in my head
"So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away,
I know I can't take it
'Cause I see now, it's just one of those days"
I was bargaining with my life last night, as I often find myself doing. So I start by talking about all the things I'd rather do. (of course at the end you come to "I'd rather do anything.")
I'd have another kidney stone.
I'd have a kidney stone everyday.
I'd live in a shack with no electric, no air, no cable, no phone. And no running water. If you could be there.
I'd live in mud. Or snow.
I'd rather do 2 deployments, back to back.
No. 5 deployments.
I'd go 3 years without seeing you if I knew you'd come back.
No I'd go 10.
then I literally think to myself,
I would go an unlimited amount of time without seeing you if I knew I got to be with you forever.
There it is.
Then I realize. That's what I'm doing.
And I laugh. Damn. I just tricked myself into saying I would do what I'm doing, just for you.
Isn't that a crazy realization?
"One Of Those Days" Joshua Radin
"Wait right here"
Is all she said to me
And so right here I stay
Time has reached our home
And I've been left alone
It's carried her away
And everyone keeps saying,
"Nothing helps but time"
Time is all I own
And time won't stop replaying
Over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down
So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away,
I know I can't take it
'Cause I see now, it's just one of those days
Now a year has passed
Alone I stay inside
And I await the rain
To wash away your face
So I don't have to hide
The sight of you is painful
So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away,
I know I can't take it anymore
'Cause I see now, it's just one of those days
And I can't stop seeing your face
I can't stop seeing your face every place
So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away,
I know I can't take it anymore
'Cause I see now, it's just one of those days
Yeah
5 comments:
Oh weddings and all the fun that comes with them. I have 2 of my best friends getting married this year. One of them is next month. While I love them, and I couldn't be more happy for them I get grumpy and jealous sometimes. I hate that I do it, but I kinda really hate that I didn't get my wedding. Then, as for the rest of your post about bargaining. For whatever reason, after almost 3 years I've never thought about it the way you put it. You're right! I bargain like that, but I'll have an eternity with Dan, we will be together forever. It's so crazy that I've never thought about it that way. Thanks for sharing lovie!! Now when I start to bargain, I can think of this post, and giggle at myself. <3!!
Stacey... I love you. You are exactly right... I would be ok without seeing him for an infinite amount of time if I knew I would be with him forever. You nailed it. That's what we are all doing. I love you and I am so happy you are in my life.
just too perfect. so accurate....and this song is one of my favorites. love youuu. xoxo
i love joshua radin. alot. i think he's my favorite artist.
i'm thinking of you every day these days. just so you know.
and your bargaining does make me smile. (if thats ok to say?)
That last line puts it all into perspective for us, doesn't it? I wish none of us had to wait... who knows how long.
I found you through "No Star in the Sky" and found it's becoming more and more helpful to meet other ladies walking this journey as well, since others just don't get it.
Many virtual hugs.
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