Thoughts on Family

I wanted to share this quote that my sister-in-law shared with me. We discussed it at length and I really think it has merit, so I wanted to share it!

Hope your Sunday was fantastic!

Happy Valentine's Day, and a Song

Happy Valentine's Day friends! :) I hope your day is filled with reminders of how much you are loved- by friends, family, pets, husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, coworkers, children, the postman- Whoever!

I also wanted to share with you a song that makes me think of my husband- I have been OBSESSED with it lately.



You saw my pain, washed out in the rain 
Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins 
But you saw no fault no cracks in my heart 
And you knelt beside my hope torn apart 
But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view 
And we'll live a long life 
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light 
Cause oh they gave me such a fright 
But I will hold as long as you like 
Just promise me we'll be alright...

(you should probably download it immediately)

Night

Sometimes at night when he falls asleep before me, I turn toward him and watch his outline against the shade-covered window.
I listen to him breathe calmly in and out. Steady. Unwavering.
Those moments calm me, and I soak them in.
I watch his chest move up and down, and I thank any and all of the powers that be that he is laying next to me, heart beating strong, body working perfectly.
I memorize those breaths, how they sound.
I take mind pictures of his profile, the way is forehead is relaxed, the proportions of his face.
I memorize these moments so I can remember and repeat them to myself.


You never stop being a (n almost) widow.  I have habits, like this one, that are the result.  I'm lucky and thankful to have him, and I pay more attention and log more memories.  My past reminds me to live fully in these moments before they are just memories.

Thankful.

This week I experienced a day that ended with me feeling nothing but entirely thankful for the blessings I have in my life.  It wasn't much different from an ordinary day, but the small things that happened filled my heart with love. 

I received a gift from a friend that I put on as soon as I opened the package, sitting in my car in front of the clubhouse where I had to pick the package up. Sometimes I forget how much something little can make someone feel special and I was so grateful that she took the time to think of me and remind me I'm loved.

While I was at work later in the day, I heard a song on the radio I haven't heard in so long.  Faithfully isn't a song the mix station we listen to ever plays.  I choose to think it was him.  It came on at a time when I was working the desk by myself, so I was able to truly enjoy it without having to explain to anyone why I was teary-eyed.  I smiled and thanked him.  He has to know how much I needed to hear from him.  I laughed because following that song is one of the songs I hate the most right now, "If I die young."  One of my girlfriends chalked it up to the radio's sense of humor. It just all felt very good, very familiar, and filled my heart to the brim with love.

That night after work I headed to a yoga class. I am always drained after work, but I know that going makes me feel amazing so I try to shove the tired to the side and go anyway. I am so glad I did.  The class was packed! I mean only-a-few-inches-from-your-neighbor, we-all-kept-scooting-to-make-more-room packed.  But the class- the best! The music mix that accompanied us was a mix of iron and wine, mumford and sons, florence and the machine, and other fantastic artists.  We did a lot of chest openers, which is exactly what you need after a day sitting at a desk. And I left feeling euphoric.

Talking with my husband after my day, I couldn't stop jabbering about how all these amazing things happened to me and that I felt like more great things were on their way. I am so, very blessed in all area of my life that it's funny how I don't always recognize it.  

Thank goodness for amazing days like this. 

Disengaged.

Lately I've been feeling very heavy.  I think that's the right word for how I'm feeling.  Overwhelmed by bad instead of good, by conflict instead of resolution, but anger instead of kindness, by loud instead of quiet.

Do you ever feel like this?

I acknowledge that events in the last few months have been very depressing, filled with hurt, anger confusion and devastation.  I wonder if it's better or worse that we are more accessible to the horrible things.  I mean accessible in a 24-hours a day, constant news cycle, alerts on our phone, articles posted on social media way.  Reading and hearing other people's comments on horrible things, or opinions that attack and degrade others is only one smart phone tap away.  For me, sometimes it is too much.

I have had to consciously start taking myself away from the negatives to try to refocus on the positives. (read: I have a tendency to be a glass-half-empty kind of girl, making this difficult). Turn off the show (or leave the room) that is spewing negative jargon.  Change the discussion when it concerns only disaster, anger, hatred, and ugliness.  Chose to listen to nothing in the car, instead of another view on exactly how to fix our crazy world.

I don't think I'm doing it very well yet.  I work to focus on the positive, to stay calm and relaxed, to honor my feelings, and to treat others with kindness.  But when I'm working on that, and you want to discuss which people are idiots for their beliefs, I have to disengage.  I do not have all the answers, and I no longer know who I agree or disagree with, but right now my heart is too heavy.  I choose not to discuss these upsetting issues because I know I will dwell for hours after the conversation.

But most of the time, my exit is less than graceful.

I hope to be able to find my way, choosing positive over negative, so that I may feel more true happiness, however there is quite a learning curve.

(find it here)

The Start of New Year

Happy 2013 everyone!  This year with Christmas and all the travel that entailed, and school work through the holiday season, and our 1 year anniversary (WOW!) I didn't have much time to think about resolutions or changes I wanted to make for the new year until January.  I think I'm ok with taking a little time in January to decide what I'd like to work on this year, rather than hastily picking too many things, or something that I loose sight of a couple months in.

I have been thinking about what I'd like 2013 to look like, and what I'd like to bring to this year, and how I want to see myself on the other side. There are several thing that are surfacing.

Financial Unity. (I'm sure my husband will enjoy that phrase I just made up!) We desperately need to work on saving as a team- getting on the same page.  It's not just saving but feeling like we are managing money as a team.  We have work a lot on this in 2012 and have worked out a lot of kinks.  Still, we are both great at living individually, and coming together has been somewhat of a tug of war on how we should manage our money.  I am insecure because I don't bring in much money while I'm also in school.  I don't want to be those people who can't enjoy life because they are saving, but I also cannot worry daily that we are depleting our savings should an emergency happen. This is definitely a "Team Blunt" Resolution for 2013 because I can't do this one alone.

Letting Go, and Showing Kindness.  I hope I can explain this in the way that I have internalized it.  I have been taking a yoga class lately, and something the instructor discussed a few weeks back really stuck with me.  She read us some philosopher's words about enlightenment and transcendence.  I listened and took it in.  I began to understand her words as facing disagreement with understudying, facing anger with love.  Surpassing the energy it takes to get upset, have an argument, rehash it over and over in your head, hate, judge, and be angry, and then deciding to move forward.  Instead, what an idea to see what is coming, and decide to let all of that go before it happens.  Deciding to choose instead to let it go, and remain happy, peaceful, and content.  Does that even make sense?  I know it would be better if I could post the reading she used, but I really have no idea what it was.  It just caught me and I took it in in this way.  So if you followed that, you may empathize with me in that this is exactly the opposite of what I do! I have been trying to keep this idea in the forefront of my thoughts and recognize instances where I waste my energy and time in negativity, and instead let it go.  Not easy.  I fail frequently.  But I think something as revolutionary as this, completely changing my thought process at times, takes practice.  This is what I hope to focus on in 2013.

Along with those smaller goals that pop up from time to time- exercise, health and nutrition, living in the moment, loving my husband in the best way I can, consciously being a better friend.  We are always working on things. Our nature as humans is imperfection, so changes occur as we search to be better people.  And what better time than the start of a new year?!

What are you doing for 2013?

Making a Difference for 2013

During the holiday season many people decide to graciously donate money, time or resources to a charity of their choice.  To help make a difference in 2013, I want to make sure you all know about the non profit that supported me through the last 4 years.  I'm sure you already know which group I'm going to ask you to consider for your donations this year- The American Widow Project!

Let me share a letter from the AWP ladies about holiday donations:

Over the past 5 years, the AWP has been able to reach out to more than 1,200 military widows across the United States. This year alone, because of your support, we have served more than 500 military widows and held 10 National AWP events. Your generosity has given us the ability to continue growing strong and guiding our nations military widows through a healing journey. Please accept our sincere thanks for all that you have done to support the families of our nations heroes. 

Our wish for the New Year is that we are able to reach out to the widows who have yet to find the support they so desperately need and deserve. With over 6,300 casualties in Iraq and Afghanistan, and over half of those being married, there are still thousands of widows who long to know they are not forgotten or alone in this journey. 

To continue our service of providing support to the widows of our fallen, we need your help. This holiday season please consider making a tax deductible donation to the American Widow Project. Or, view our suggestions below for others ways to give back. Your support is greatly appreciated and enables us to reach so many who long to see that there is hope for them even after tragedy.
In the months ahead we look forward to sharing with you, how through your gifts, we are truly touching hearts, saving lives and remembering our heroes. 

Happy Holidays!
Warmest wishes,
The American Widow Project

Here are some ways, beside donating money, to help the organization continue to do what they do best- build friendship and support to help those who have lost their Loves while serving in the military.

• In lieu of gifts: Instead of your company giving gifts to staff members and clients, consider donating money to help sponsor a widows attendance to one of our upcoming 2013 events. It's the gift that will keep on giving into the new year! 
• Host a Holiday Party: We all have them, right? Why not use your office or home holiday party to spread awareness about the AWP! We'll even provide you will all the tools you need to get started. 
• Post a Facebook status or tweet about all the ways to donate and give back to the widows of our nations heroes. Simply copy and paste our sample tweets and statuses below or use your own.
• Facebook: I am helping military widows and so can you! You can organize or attend an event, become an AWP Ambassador, or just spread the word! It’s easy to make an impact and every little bit helps fund their programs. Get involved today at www.americanwidowproject.org.
• Twitter: I'm helping @americanwp and so can you! Host an event, become an Ambassador or just spread the word! www.americanwidowproject.org/volunteer
• Shop our store: Model some of our AWP Apparel! From zip up hoodies to our signature AWP pin. Plus, they make great stocking stuffers! 
• Create your own Crowdrise fundraising page: From now until the first of the year you can create your own campaign to raise funds for our programs through the holiday season. 
• Gift Cards: While you're out picking up those gift cards for those hard to please family members, pick up a grocery store gift card to be used for an upcoming event! The AWP covers all costs for 10-12 widows at each event. Providing grocery cards allows us to put more funding into our programs that directly benefit the lives of military widows. 

Thanks for checking out the AWP, the things you can do to help, and considering showing some support this holiday season!