The Army
sucks at establishing priorities! I am
preparing to take command of a troop of soldiers and so the Army requires me to
take a myriad of classes in preparation.
There are tidbits of great information, some good and a lot of repeated,
convoluted and useless information. This
week I was sent to the casualty notification (CNO) and casualty assistance
officer (CAO) course. This is a two day
course that covers, as the name implies, how to notify the families of
casualties of the death of their loved one, and how to assist the family with
all the important tasks in the months thereafter. We were sent so that as commanders we would
understand the process and also it is our unit’s turn for this very solemn
duty.
I was
deployed with Stacey’s previous fiancé.
In fact, I served under Mike while he was an executive officer and
acting commanding officer for about a month.
I knew Mike, but not well. I
wouldn’t even say I had the privilege of calling him a friend. I remember the night that Mike was killed. I was filling out a report on a computer in
the troop command post. The computer was
in the same room where we monitored the radios.
All of a sudden someone called in a contact report (which means they had
come under attack). As the details
unfolded we realized Mike had been very close to the explosion and was
seriously injured. I ran out to get the
other three platoon leaders, the guys who could call Mike a friend, and told
them that he had been hit. I remember
looking up at the stars that night and thinking of Mike’s fiancé and how this
would change her life. Mike was battling
for his life at that moment, but I knew either way that across the world Stacey
would either be receiving a call or a car would be pulling up to her door with
the terrible news. The next day a car
pulled up to Stacey’s door.
As I sat in
class this past Wednesday it was very different than the other classes I have
taken. This one was personal, and it was
difficult. Everything we spoke about
brought thoughts of this difficult time in my wife’s life. Stacey and I texted back and forth during our
breaks, as we often do, and she reminded me that she is happy now and
everything is ok. That helped. During our texts I got the idea that maybe
Stacey could come in and share her story, and from her experience what helped
her and what the Army did that she did not like. Like most things in the Army, training is
very structured and usually with a lot of PowerPoint slides. As I said at the beginning, we also go
through a lot of classes. So it is very
easy for soldiers to just want to check the block on training and move on to
the next item on their list. This
training was too important! I remember a
widow friend of Stacey’s who we got to spend some time with, Jayme. Jayme had an awful experience with her
CAO. Her experience was so bad that she
has done graduate work on how the Army trains our CNOs and CAOs. I thought that this was an opportunity to show
at least my class of twenty-five soldiers that these are real people and that
if we have to perform this duty we are changing their lives forever.
Stacey agreed and we scheduled a time
for her to come in the next morning. She
did an awesome job! I am so proud to
have her as my wife. I took away a great
deal from this course. I learned about
the process and through reflection and conversation with Stacey I learned about
the non-tangible aspects of the process, the emotions involved, what goes
through the head of someone hearing the terrible news, the things that are
difficult to put on a PowerPoint slide.
I believe that Stacey was able to pass some of that on to the other
soldiers in my class and it is my hope that if they are called to do this duty
they will be able to do it with the reverence and honor that is required. Our unit’s roster has been turned in to do
our duty. I hope I don’t receive a call
to do it, but if I do I will be ready.
