Monday, April 2, 2012
Breathe. Let it go.
These last few weeks, they've been rough. I feel like I'm spewing out negative every where I turn. I'm focusing on it. I'm mashing it around and around in my brain. I'm becoming consumed by it. It is not fun. I don't like where we are right now and I don't think that's a secret. Our apartment is small, my job is not fun and it's a job I am working purely for some extra income. I do not feel invested in the job. I miss my friends and I don't have many out here. I'm feeling like my clothes don't fit, and while I don't entertain worries of becoming morbidly obese, it really sucks when you put on one pair of pants after another that do not fit. I'm trying to run again but its such a love hate relationship I very often do not enjoy it, I enjoy that it's done. All of these stupid, dumb, trivial things are keeping me mentally circling the drain.
So there it is- blahhhhhhhhhhhhs of negativity. And I'd like to be done now. DONE! I'm tired of drowning in it. I'm tired of pulling Nick into it. I'm sick of being lost in this muddy, dank, pond of crap. So I'm letting it go.
Nick and were talking about how to be happy in the now. I've been thinking about it a lot. Trying to let go. Stopping the negative thoughts that swirl through my brain and take so much energy because they just don't matter. They don't deserve the energy I give them. Who cares what people say unless its something I say or something Nick says? I know that I have heard these words before, but I am starting to comprehend and take them in and understand what it means to stop, and let go. This is what I'm working on.
This is how (I think) you get to live happy.