Morning Hugs, Music & Plants

These are today's happy things. I love music, and I haven't had a new music in a while. Downloaded an album (ya, I'm so cool I call it an "album") this morning at work to accompany some of my paperwork and organizing I needed to get done. I fell head over heals for The Civil Wars. Listen to my favorite one so far below. I literally (really- literally) get goosebumps when I listen to it because it just freaking strikes something in me.

Dance Me to the End of Love

The Civil Wars

Dance me to your beauty like a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
And dance me to the end of love
Please Dance me to the end of love

Let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
And dance me to the end of love
Please Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now

Dance me on and on

Dance me very tenderly

And dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love
We're both of us above
And dance me to the end of love
Won't you dance me to the end of love

Next, we have my little sprouts. This morning I looked at my little mary-gold plants and they have sprouts! Last time I looked there was only one, now there are many! I can't wait till there are actually flowers :)

Lastly, and probably bestly, I woke up this morning after a crappy nights sleep to my husband's hugs and encouraging words. I was groggy, as I normally am, but I told him that I didn't sleep that well. As I just stood there he wrapped his arms around me and said, "I'm sorry baby. Take a nice warm shower and we'll get some coffee in you. You'll feel better then." He was warm and clean-smelling and confident. Sometimes I can't get enough of him. Those were perfect words for me in my barely awake state. Thanks to that lovely man I started the day off on the right foot.

Mission: Real Happiness

It is no secret that I think too long and too much about very simple things. Lately, Happiness has been one of them. In the grand scheme of things I am happy with where I am. Somehow thought I can't deny that I haven't been feeling the happiness on a daily basis. Now listen, I completely acknowledge that there is nothing crazy going on in my life right now. I know sometimes you need to have perspective and realize that complaining about little things is dumb. But I have found myself doing a lot of this lately. And often I find myself wondering why I don't have a happy outlook.

Project Renovate! I am a positive reinforcement type of person so in that vein I am going to be blogging (at least weekly) about things happening now that are making me happy. Things I am noticing and appreciating, or things that I do to turn around my mood, in the hopes that I will be able to see how many things are making me happy, and begin to appreciate them.

Also, as a full disclosure side note, I have recently begun the transition from consistent anti-depressant taker to non-antidepressant taker. I have no shame in telling you that I have been on my chosen anti-dep for quite a while. I began in college after my nagging back and leg pain was dubbed “there’s nothing wrong with her let’s call it fibromyalgia”. I also had a lot of anxiety and often an upset stomach. When I began with the anti-deps I noticed how nice it was to be able to go places and do things without always worrying about being sick. When Mike was killed, my amazing physician suggested upping my dosage, along with other things, to help me cope. I wasn’t in much of a position to fight back. Fast forward and I’m still plugging along, never really finding the right time to try to get off of them. But alas, I am in as stable a place as ever, and I think I can properly cope without them now. YAY! I tell you this because I have noticed being all over the map emotionally as I step down the anti-deps, and finding and acknowledging happy things may be a good tool for me in my (hopefully) anti-depressant-free future J

I will start today.

Getting ready this morning made me happy, even if getting out of bed early to do it did not. Feeling put together for work, having my hair clean and done, and not feeling too big for my clothes all day has put me in a generally good place.

Reading a new blog I found this weekend that focuses on how a wife appreciates her husband every single day has made me happy, and reflective. Her writing style is pretty awesome, and as I read just through the “letters” section I was fully captured and enjoying every minute. (find it here!)

Knowing I made a plan for myself this evening to indulge in some continuing education for my future counseling career makes me excited to go home and NOT just lay on the couch. My job right now may be just to help us save up while were in KS but having something on my schedule that I actually have a passion for and can do to make money in the future has helped keep me going today.

Please feel free to share your happiness tricks with me :)

Shine the Light

"As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." -Marianne Williamson

I'm needing some inspiration lately. I'm feeling like I'm just in a regular old, get-up-everyday-and-make-it-through-work mood. I want to feel inspired.

We've been through a lot lately- a wedding, a move, another move, a small apartment, I started a new job, Nick's started a new job. Those are some big things.

I want a direction again and I'm hoping once things take a regular hold of our lives, we will have some time to find more passion in our hobbies. Or more hobbies, more inspiration, more excitement. We will find a way, I'm sure. At this point I'm looking for others to inspire me :)

(that was a pretty pointless post)

Becoming a Mrs.- The Party (Part 2)

Once we were married we were completely on a high.

After some formal pictures...

(Sorry some of these are so big :/)

We cheered with the bridal party on the limo to the reception, came in the secret back entrance, went up in the big elevator to enter from the grand staircase.

Upstairs we got to see how beautiful the place looked all set up, and we got to primp a little and take out my vale. Our parents and bridal party were introduced down the grand staircase to the song "Forever" by Chris Brown. In case you're not sure what that is, it's the song in the Youtube video that the Office spoofed for Jim and Pam's wedding. It rocked. Nick and I enjoyed watching everyone walk in and cheered for all of them!

We came in to "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

Dad gave a fantastic toast, and everyone filed into their seats.

We greeted some people there, ate dinner, heard fantastic MOH and BM toasts. Let me say that I know again I am a bit biased, but these toasts were phenomenal. Firstly the videographer rolled up RIGHT in front of them, big light and all, and I looked to my MOH and said "umm sorry about that- good luck!" But they were great! No one talked too long, no one talked about inside jokes the whole time, and there weren't too many tears shed. MOH went first, making it funny, touching on the first trip Nick and I took, how much she heard about Nick, and something I told her about a week before about how Nick and I decided that if we need to talk the day of our wedding we would. I remember telling her, just as she recounted, that he was the only person who could calm me down if need be. She did a great job!! BM (unbeknownst to MOH, the person we visited on our first trip together) also talked about our visit, about how he was hesitant to like me before making sure I wouldn't break Nick's 3-times-too-big heart, and how all he heard about after that was me. We even toasted with Jameson, compliments to the weekend we met in Manhattan, KS.

It all went so fast, we ate a little, tried to talk to a few tables
(spent most of that time talking to my special friends!)
and then it was cake time.

The only bite of cake I had that night was the small bite Nick fed me, ever so sweetly.


The only bite of cake Nick had was the bite of cake I shoved into his face. The pictures kinda look like I punched out some teeth, but that's just mean.


We did our first dance,


I danced with my dad,


Nick danced with his mom


and step-mom.



We did the anniversary dance, there was some fun and laughter and then...

WE BROKE IT DOWNNNNNN!

The party part of this evening was probably the best party ever! I danced, danced, and danced some more. Nick danced, smoked cigars outside in the unseasonably warm weather, and danced. We drank, laughed, made rounds, and celebrated.

Friends and family filled the dance floor the entire night. As it got close to midnight there were top hats and crowns and everyone had poppers and noise makers. We brought in the new year, sent silver sparkling confetti flying, and kissed at midnight- our first midnight as a married couple!

More dancing followed, uniforms slowly fell off throughout the night, we drank from a stetson, there was the worm, some Michael Jackson moves, and my brother slid on the floor like a breakdancer. Nick and I left at the right time- I was laying on the floor happy and ready. The next day, even with our slight headaches, we kept recounting memories of how awesome the night was.

The whole weekend never could have been close to as amazing as it was without all the contributing parties; my parents, nick's parents, my seven bridesmaids, Nick's seven groomsmen, our 4 small attendants, the ushers, the readers, and all of those people who helped out without acknowledgement. Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you!

Again, professional photos complements of Steven Mastroianni at www.smastro.com

Becoming a Mrs. (Part One)

The wedding- the spotty version as I remember it:

I can't say enough how beautiful, and (literally) perfect everything was for our wedding. Everyone probably says that, but for ours it is true ;)

As the girls and I were waiting in the back room of the church, it was too early for me to put my dress on and the guests began to arrive. Now, it may just have been my endorphins but I began to notice a warm glow take over.

It was the vision I had all along, that I recognized as soon as it took shape, but I could never place it before that night. It was my wedding, as I have always known it.

Nick arrived with his men and all my girls watched from the window, teasing me about how I had to stand in the back corner. I said aloud "I guess I can officially say we're REALLY getting married!"

I step into my dress and my bridesmaid zipped it up with no hesitation. I have to pause a second and tell you how completely thrilled I was that the dress fit so exactly right. About a week earlier it was very, very tight and I was slightly uncomfortable with the way it clung to me.

All day I'd been saying that I was anxious, excited, but not nervous. It was true; I was confident. In no way, shape or form did I feel like this wasn't exactly what we were supposed to be doing.

All my ladies wrote a message on the bottom of my shoes, my something blue.

Dress on, photographer and videographer in the building, someone came back in our room and said, "We're sending people to the balcony!" Awesome- let's pack 'em in!

Sparkling shoes, something borrowed garter and I'm dressed.

At one point as I asked my MOH if she saw Nick out there and she replied, "I see you dad and a LOT of uniforms." That made me so thrilled and even more anxious!

Then it proceeded:

Time for the mothers. Nick's Step-Mom and Mom go down the isle, then my mom and my brother.

Bridesmaids turn... but I hang back because guests are still arriving. MOH hangs with me, we have a little moment. No idea what we said but I wouldn't have wanted anyone else with me :)

Ok, her turn.

I come out, dad tears up.

I'm so ready.

I hear the music, I love it.

They close the doors... we get in place.

One cousin fixes my train, hair, etc. while the other organizes our pre wedding secret (possibly my favorite part).

Our song starts and we see everyone stand.

We wait.

Doors open, we smile and here we go. I don't remember faces from the first half of our walk, I looked straight at Nick. He looked perfect.

I saw my uncle and aunt, I saw my bridesmaids, I saw my brother. I looked back at Nick as he bends his head down and wipes his eyes. I thought for a split second "Wow! I'm not bawling!"

Then we just rolled forward.

Hugged my dad, grabbed Nicks arm and it was over in 20 min.

We were married! I remember toward the end thinking that we got to kiss soon and I was excited.

Then we left, man and wife.

We read the inside of each wedding band because we had them engraved without telling the other one what it said. We loved that our engravings were so similar.

Nick loved my dress, I loved being with him again.

It was magical, as I guess I always hoped it would be. It was very "us"- we wrote our vows, we picked a place, flew in a pastor, had our closest friends. There was meaning behind most every thing. It was special, and perfect, and I can't imagine a single thing changed to make it any more so.

-- All the professional photos were taken by our outstanding photographer- find him here! Steven Mastroianni Photography

(to be continued...update on the part next time...)

In the Spirit of the New Year

I have seen this article pop up in a couple places and today I took a second to read it. Some of the suggestions don't apply as much to me, but several did. It may be a worthwhile read for ya :) Here are my thoughts:

2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

How difficult is that?! I sat here thinking about little problems that I seem to run from and how I could face them. It's downright scary to think about, but I'm sure I'd feel so strong within if I was able to do this.

9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

This one is rough for me, and I know it makes me sound superficial, eek. It's just hard to not purchase new shoes or a new necklace and get that rush of happiness. That rush fades; I guess that's what they mean.

20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

I find this difficult. I'm a talker, talk talk talk... explain what I was thinking over and over so no one judges me. Sigh. Good one to try!

30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

There is always room to be more grateful.

Enjoy the article. (if you missed it up there- click here!) I even book marked the blog incase I want to go back and check :) Hope you are all enjoying your holiday season!

Strength for Today

I found some things today that made me smile and want to be strong, and I'd like to share them :) Enjoy!

“Anyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that’s what makes you strong.”— Sarah Dessen (via kari-shma)